What is this mess?
by stanafuckingkatic
Summary: "Are you okay Lizzy?" Addison asked, placing a frail hand on her arm and gripping it softly. "Don't call me Lizzy, okay? You don't get to call me Lizzy. Not anymore." Since Liz Shepherd isn't on the character list yet, I've just tagged Addison.


**One month before Addison Montgomery / Derek Shepherd's wedding.**

Just about to dig into her favourite ice cream, a spoon carelessly fitted in-between her fingers, Liz let a sigh pass through her lips._ Just breathe, Elizabeth, breathe. You made it through most of the day - you know you can do this. Just, do it and breathe._ With a shake of her head, Liz took a deep breath inward and dug the spoon into her creamy source of comfort. A smile flickered across her features briefly, but it was only for a moment, before that familiar scowl came back to it's familiar territory. The creamy texture was soothing in her mouth and the delicious taste it offered helped a bit too.

"Lizzy? That's you right?" A soft voice made it's presence known.

Liz froze, as if she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Well - this time - it was the ice cream jar, kind of. She knew without looking up who it was, that familiar smell of vanilla and white wood reaching her and swirling around her head like smoke; the day old craving filling her veins.

"Yeah, Addison. It's just me." Liz had to close her eyes to gather herself, the hand that was holding the spoon shakily placing it down on the hard wood counter.

_Come on. It's just your brother's fiance' you can do this. Yeah, just my ex-lover. No. Stop it. Brother's fiance'. Breathe. Lizzy..?_

_Wait that wasn't me._

_Lizzy?_

_Oh crap._

"-Uh, ah. Sorry Addison. Kind of dazed off there for a second. What were you saying?"

"You are so pale. Don't you get any sunlight?" She asked, shaking her head disapprovingly.

Addison took a step forward, holding her hand out to touch Liz's cheek. However, at the last moment Liz stood back, glancing down at her feet with a shaky sigh and crossing her arms as if barring herself from Addison. Liz closed her eyes, immediately regretting it the moment she did it. Flashes of memories infiltrated her thoughts. It was only bit's and pieces but it was enough to stir up old feelings, long forgotten feelings. Or at least she thought they were.

"Are you okay _Lizzy_?" Addison asked, placing a frail hand on her arm and gripping it softly.

"Don't. Don't call me Lizzy, okay? You don't get to call me that. Not anymore."

There was ice in Liz's tone, and yet she didn't make any attempts to move away from the warm grip that she had on her. Addison's fingers gripped her tighter, almost painfully, her index finger gently stroking her skin. Liz could feel her heart speeding up, and she knew that Addison wasn't an idiot. She was _brilliant_. Unfortunately for her, that meant that she couldn't hide how she felt or what her body was feeling and showing. Letting out a huff of frustration, Liz turned her head away from Addison's curious eyes, knowing she was slowly losing patience.

"Dammit, just talk to me!" Addison muttered loudly, shaking Liz in an attempt to wake some sense in her.

Finally managing to pull away, her hand immediately going for the ice cream but Addison was quicker and snatched it from the table, holding it behind her. Her eyes having gone darker since she stepped inside the large, extravagant kitchen.

"_Lizzy_, for fucks sake!"

"Here we go. The real Addison Montgomery is finally making an appearance, everybody!" Liz said, her face scrunched in anger.

"What are you going on about? You're not making any sense right now." Addison shook her head, confused.

Liz moved closer towards Addison, even though her mind was screaming at her to turn around and walk away._ Leave it alone. Don't do this to yourself, not again._ Her eyes flashed in anger, hands pulling and stretching on the material of her shirt in her hands.

"Who even are you? You are not the Addison Montgomery I know. You are lying to everybody. You are lying to me. You are fucking lying to yourself." Liz whispered these words heatedly, her face contorted in a thousand emotions that were running her system down.

Addison watched her with wide eyes, tears prickling in the corners of her eyes. She shook her head, opening her mouth wanting to re-butt every single word that Liz was sprouting. It was lies. Right?

"What do you mean 'the Addison Montgomery I know'? You don't even know anything about me, Liz." She sighed, moving her hands and placing the ice cream on the table beside her.

"I was in love with you Addison. How can you even say that? I was in love with you. Ever since you gave me those chocolate butternut muffins when I graduate medical school."

Addison watched her with dark eyes, taking a step forward and then another until it was arms, fingers in hair, tongues and eventually mouths gasping for air. Liz kept her arm's wrapped around Addison's waist, her eyes hooded underneath dark eyelashes.

"Do you remember those two incredible weeks?" She asked, leaning her forehead against Addison's.

"I don't." Came a gruff voice.

Both women sprang apart, but it was too late - they had been seen. By none other than Mark Sloan.


End file.
